Showing posts with label Insightful. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Insightful. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

By The Numbers: Von Wafer

So maybe I don’t have your fancy HD tel-a-machine or a digital video record-a-ma-thing. So what if I can’t pony up the cash for NBA league pass or cable TV? I get on the internet (the Al Gore created one) and box score watch until I fall asleep. Every night I opt for the steady emotion of “David Lee made 2 point lay up” over the scary and over-exciting sight of that LeBron character parting the defense like the red sea and doing something called a monster dunk. I’m not too familiar with this monster dunk but if it’s anything like the monster in Cloverfield I want nothing to do with it!

Now that I have earned your highest respects please stop throwing panties at me and listen when I say that if you take Von Wafer, rearrange the letters, subtract the letters V, F and A, add the letters I, N, E, T, N, T, H, a couple more Es, a K, X, B, O, and an ampersand you get, by NO coincidence, WINNER & THE NEXT KOBE.

Don’t believe me? HA! Since joining the Blazers on Feb 26th he is 2-0 in games he’s participated in. Even though his last stat line was a less-than-impressive showing of no points, no shots taken, no boards, no trips to the line, no assists, no steals and no blocks in 4:08 he had no fouls or turnovers either! Baron Von Wafer would lead you to believe that he had no impact on the 119-111 victory over the l*kers but I believe he’s too modest to take credit when credit’s due.

A little known fact about Vonilla Wafer; he can operate independently of our laws of time and physics. In those 4:08 on the court he may have appeared there physically but in actuality he was buzzing around the court at a speed incomprehensible by even the great Einstein himself. Twisting the shorts of l*ker players making them uncomfortable and slightly altering the trajectory of the basketball creating made shots for the Blazers and misses for the hopeless opposition.

Now in true modesty he not only sparingly uses his super powers but also strives to be a completely honest basketball player. Take the Feb 27th game against the Clippers; 4-10 shooting, 1-2 from the line, 2-5 from distance, 5 boards and a block contributing the deciding 11 points in an 82-80 win. This obviously supports the theory that he feels the world is not ready for hyper-movement basketball... Yet.

Still don’t believe me? Let’s go back to the start of the season and run down his numbers. In 21 games with the Nuggets he’s accumulated a 12-9 record. Look a little deeper and you’ll see he’s 4-4 when making a basket and 8-5 when making 0 field goals on the day. Look even closer and you’ll notice his 6-4 mark when scoring 0 points and 2-1 when taking no shots at all! That one loss should be stricken from the record too because I believe his :01 on the floor at New York was to stick his tongue out at Spike Lee as a personal favor to Reggie Miller (I hear they’re MySpace friends).

The numbers don’t lie! So what if he's only managed to score 38 points so far this season? Consider this; k*be had to score 1693 points to win 43 games to date and Von Diggity Wafer has earned 14 Ws with his 38 points. That puts him on pace to win over 600 games before he reaches the 1600 point mark. Now THAT’S efficiency.


Disclaimer:

Upon writing this blog I had no intention of using k*be as an example. I do not condone the use of said horrible person and fully apologize to anyone that may be offended. I do believe that whatever god is in charge created one basketball player out of the darkness and another out of the light to uphold the natural balance of life. From the darkness rose a being so evil only hell itself would house him (LA) and the other? St. Von Wafer.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Throw It Down Big Fella!

After watching Shaq’s Phoenix debut against the lakers, there is one thing that is absolutely certain. The Phoenix Suns are completely different team now. Sure, it’s hard to make sweeping generalizations after only one game, but if this game is any indicator, I think this trade just might work. The Suns had one major, glaring weakness, and that was on the inside, particularly guarding offensive minded big men, and rebounding. It’s obvious from the beginning that Shaq will immediately upgrade the Suns in both areas, even with minimal direct contribution himself. By him just being out there, teams are going to have to play them differently, thus opening things up for everyone else involved.

On offense, it was obvious that the initial game plan was to feed Shaq the ball, in an attempt to collapse the defense, and free things up on the outside. Right at the onset, it seemed like Phoenix was forcing Shaq to be involved in the offense, and it was slowing down their normally frenetic offensive attack. Players were standing around, seeing what he would do, and then reacting to the ball, as opposed to their usual offense that does a phenomenal job of letting the ball react to the players, creating open shots. The first half showcased numerous failed attempts at posting Shaq, and it really began to look like maybe the Suns made a huge mistake in trading away Shawn Marion for the big fella.

Then, in the second half, it all started to make sense. The offense started operating independently from Shaq, almost in the same manner as it does when Brian Skinner is in the game. The other 4 players played typical Phoenix Suns basketball, moving, passing, and shooting when they’re open. Meanwhile, Shaq just did his thing, setting screens (awkward as they were), gathering rebounds, and generally just taking up a ton of space. He moved reasonably well in and around the key, and when the ball came his way, he was able to make a few nice passes to cutting teammates for easy lay-ins. You could see the comfort level rising with each and every trip down the court, culminating in a 4th quarter that showed glimpses of the old Shaquille that could simply overpower and dominate opponents into submission. After a slow start where he missed his first 2 shots and committed 2 early turnovers, he finished with a solid 15 points (6-9 shooting) to go with 3 assists and 3 turnovers. Not a bad nights work for his first time out.

On the other end, Shaq’s influence was more obvious early on. From the outset of the game, he gave Pau Gasol and the laker big’s a tough time, using his considerable size to disrupt the lakers offense, and wreak havoc on the boards. Although his final stats show a solid, but not spectacular 9 rebounds, he was instrumental in creating numerous rebounding opportunities for the usually outmanned Suns. Phoenix was uncharacteristically dominant on the glass, outrebounding the lakers 46-33, with Amare Stoudemire and Grant Hill grabbing 15 and 10 caroms apiece. Now, that my friends, is an improvement. Phoenix, who ranked 23rd in the NBA in rebounding coming into tonight, might have done enough with this trade to become one of the better rebounding teams in the league. Each team has to focus so much attention on Shaq, that it’s going to free things up for everybody else to crash the boards using the quickness and athleticism that has been the Suns calling card the last few years.

In the same way that his presence by itself is enough to dramatically improve their rebounding, it will have a similar affect on their defense (although not in the same overwhelmingly positive way). By having Shaq in the middle, it allows Amare to slide over to his more natural position, power forward. This move gives them a great deal more size and shot blocking ability, as well as a lot more versatility to match up against all kinds of teams. However, it also means that they have a par to sub-par defensive player at every position (except when Bell is in the game). Uh, oh. The key though, is their offense will be given a big boost by potentially giving them two big time post playes that require maximum attention at all times. All these years, the teams that had the personnel would try to make the Suns go big, thus taking out one of their primary offensive weapons. Now? That means a heavy dose of Shaq. If you try to take Shaq out of the game, and go small? They’ll counter with a lineup of Amare, Diaw, Hill, Bell/Barbosa and Nash. I don’t know too many teams that can go small against that lineup and have continued success. Once Shaq gets himself settled (and he will), the Suns might be an even worse match-up nightmare than before, which is saying something.

One other aspect that requires mention, is that by adding Shaq (and thus changing everything about the make-up of the team), it's going to force the Suns to make a great deal of adjustments in the way they all play. On most teams, I'd classify this as a huge red flag, especially for immediate postseason success. One only needs to look at the Nuggets after acquiring Iverson. They had the talent to compete, but they just couldn't pull it all together for the postseason run, especially after having to come from behind in the standings. This Suns team, however, is a different animal. They've been rolling teams year in and year out for a while now, and have just crused through the regular season, until they reached a team that "figured them out", and they would be sent home. By adding Shaq, it's going to force the Suns to fundamentally change the way they do things. Instead of the free-wheeling run-and-shoot style they've been used to, they are going to have to actually install some sort of half court offense, and make these players remember how to win playoff basketball. Too often in the past, the Suns were beaten by their own style, forcing plays that weren't there, and using the "we'll make it up on the other end" excuse each time. That's all fine and dandy in the regular season, but come playoff time, when every possession matters (or so I hear), they need to be able to slow it down if the fast break isn't there, and actually operate in the half court. For most teams, the goal is to become less deliberate, and more free flowing. For the Suns, it's exactly the opposite. That being said, tell me one player in the league that will absolutely make your team more deliberate? There isn't anybody. And, I for one, think that's a good thing for the Suns.

Now, it’s worth mentioning that this game was against a lakers team that is weak inside, playing Pau at center, with Andrew Bynum still out with an injury. It’s also dangerous to jump to too many conclusions after only one game. However, this game did give quite a bit of insight as to how the Suns might play with Shaq, and how they might be successful. While there will undoubtedly be some growing pains, and there will be some teams that can contend with the Suns newfound bulk inside, it was pretty obvious after watching Shaq’s Phoenix debut, that this team will continue to be a force in the Western Conference. Now, will they be formidable enough to make it out of the West, and capture the city’s first pro basketball championship? That’s tough to say. But, they have just as good as shot as anybody, at this point. The only guarantee here is that this will only enhance what is already lining up to be one of the most entertaining playoffs in NBA history.