The Real Question, Now That Their Is No Answer (in Denver, that is)

With the news of a blockbuster trade during the first week of the NBA season, everyone is scrambling to give their opinion of how this whole thing is going to work. Will Iverson be a good fit in the defensive, team-oriented system that Detroit has employed over the better part of the last decade? What about Billups running and gunning with Carmello in Denver? Will Denver keep McDyess, or does he pull the "Stackhouse Special" and force a buyout and return to Detroit? And how does this effect Rodney Stuckey's emergence as Detroit's PG of the future.

Well, all of those are very important questions, and will likely get sorted out, in some capacity, over the next few weeks. Sure, I could speculate, but I'd prefer to leave that to the "experts," like Screamin' A. Smith. No, I'd prefer to stick to answering the questions that are not only more in my wheelhouse, but are the most important to me as a fan.

The first thing that jumped out to me when I heard the news of an AI for Mr. Big Shot swap wasn't "can AI lead Detroit to a title?" or "will Billups be a calming influence on Carmello?". No, the first thing I thought of was, "with AI out of Denver, who gets to lay claim to the coveted title of 'Most Tattooed Team in the NBA'?"

Last year, it was a no-brainer. Denver had a starting lineup with more tattoos than the average prison yard. It had gotten to the point that I thought maybe they had decided to completely cancel all remaining practices, and simply have "bonding time" at local tattoo parlors on their days off.

Carmello Anthony, JR Smith, Marcus Camby, Kenyon "Bad Ass Yellow Boy" Martin and Chucky Atkins all brought a multitude of tattoos to Denvers proverbial table. But, they all paled in comparison to the heart and soul of this tatted up team: Allen Iverson.

To say AI "brought it" in the tattoo department would be an understatement of massive proportions. Besides the old stand-by tattoos on his arms, chest and even legs, AI comes in strong with the all-important neck tats. Neck tats (and their crazy cousin, face tats) are what separates the men from the boys in the tattoo world, and in that world, Iverson is most certainly a man.

But, if my reader is anything like myself, then you already knew all that. The 2007-08 Denver Nuggets were not simply the most tatted up team in the NBA last year, they were arguably the most tatted up team in sports history.

Now, after already jettisoning reigning the Tattooed Defender of the Year, Marcus Camby, for the tat-less "right to swap second round picks", the Nuggets have sent out their MVTP (I think you can figure that one out by yourselves) for the modestly tatted Billups and the clean epidermal slate of Antonio McDyess. Talk about heading in the wrong direction.

So, all of this begs the simple, yet all-important, question: Who is the most tatted up team in the NBA?

Even after this debacle of a trade, the Nuggets still must be at the forefront of any discussion regarding tattoos and basketball. But, for once, the Mile High city is not the end of the journey, it is only the beginning. It is now the time for other teams to state their case and attempt to lay claim to this all important title.

Is the Dynamic Duo of Rasheed Wallace and Allen Iverson now enough to claim the crown? What about the Delonte West, Lebron James, Big Ben trifecta in Cleveland? And then there's always the Matt Barnes' and Robert Swift's of the world, trying to single-handedly carry their teams tattoo cred all by their lonesome. Or does Stephon Marbury and his crazy ass face tat trump all?

This trade has shaken the NBA to it's core, and it is up to me to restore any semblance of normalcy to the league and it's many adoring fans.The title of Most Tattooed Team in the NBA is now officially up for grabs, and it is my determined goal to not sleep* until a winner has been crowned.

STAY TUNED.


*Not counting "normal sleeping hours", near-universally recognized as between 11 pm and 9 am on weekdays, and 2am to 1pm on weekends.